Insecure About Going To The Beach

by admin on

I used to be extremely insecure about going to the beach. I always had to get drunk or take drugs to have a good time. It all started with me sneaking bottles of vodka on to the beach. Then I started doing harder drugs like cocaine, ecstasy and crystal meth. I soon came to realize that it was my insecurity about my body that caused me to use different substances to feel comfortable about myself.

Even though I in good shape, I was self conscious. I was overweight as a child and had serious body image issues.

I started using these substances much too often to self medicate in social situations.

Then one day I went way too far. I had an overdose that put me into a coma for a week.

It was a near death experience that changed my life.

Surviving that traumatic experience forced me into sobriety.

Shortly after coming back from the hospital I decided to go to the beach without taking anything.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. I went to the beach with my friend, Sam.

As soon as my feet touched the sand, I felt this horrible anxiety.

My heart rate went up and my body started to tense.

I kept this to myself as we walked toward the water.

I started breathing rapidly and I felt my heart beating out of my chest.

Thankfully I had sunglasses on because if anyone looked into my eyes, they would see me suffering.

We found an empty spot by the lifeguards and put our towels down.

I laid down on stomach and immediately put a towel over my back of my head.

Then I took my tank top off and had my face down with my shades on.

I hid like a turtle in his shell.

Being sober this time around, I realized how much being a chubby child

made me self conscious about my body as an adult.

I started squeezing the fat on my chest and it reminded me of the boy boobies I had growing up.

As I breathed with my stomach against the towel, I felt my belly fat being pressed against the ground.

Then I became even more anxious because I knew we had to walk back to my car. And this time I had to walk past peoples stares.

I know all of this sounds crazy, but those were the paranoid thoughts that were racing in my insecure mind.

As we were laying down and catching up, I started telling my friend, Sam a story.

I found myself becoming more passionate as I was telling it.

I still had that towel over my head as I was talking to Sam.

All of a sudden, I heard laughter.

This triggered my insecurities even more.

Was someone eavesdropping and laughing at me?

Was it my voice?

Was I being loud and obnoxious?

I took the towel off my head and looked up sheepishly and confused.

There were a few random people listening in to what I was saying.

I then realized that they were being entertained by what I was sharing.

I became more comfortable. I took the sunglasses off and removed the towel off my head.

For some reason, I kept on going and came up with more stories, sharing more of my ideas and philosophies.

Soon after, more and more people started to crowd around me.

Oddly enough, I felt my insecurities going away as more people came to listen.

For the first time in my life, I wasn’t concerned about my naked body anymore.

I stood up and started talking confidently with my hands.

You ever have those moments where you talk perfectly and feel totally free to express what’s on your mind?

Every word comes out with conviction and you lose all your inhibitions.

That is a flow state.

And I was totally in one.

People surrounding us came closer and sat down around me.

I guess these people were attracted to the crowd around me.

I had never spoken to that many people before,

especially while being topless and exposed.

Every word came out perfectly and I was able to tie all my stories and insights together.

I began to calibrate my audience and I started telling jokes like I was performing stand up comedy at the beach.

I was even doing improv, based on people’s responses.

All these random people started laughing and clapping, telling me how entertaining I was!

At that moment I realized that I found my gift.

Even though I had zero public speaking training at the time.

I was always shy and that stuttered for most of my life.

But in that moment, all of my fear and limiting beliefs went away.

I loved public speaking about my passions.

This all happened in my 20s and it was one of the beautiful things that came out of my near death experience.

It lead me to take the art of communication seriously and 5 years after that beach speech, I hosted my first seminar.

It’s interesting when you look back on your life and realize those pivotal moments that shaped you into the person you are today.

We all have clues if we look back at the moments that we lost track of time and space where we were just there, without a care,
sharing from our heart and opening up authentically.

When you fully express yourself and lose yourself in a flow state, your insecurities seem to disappear.

That is the purest form of self-expression.

I truly feel that the opposite of depression is expression.

When I was an addict, I experienced the highest highs.

But no chemical high can ever compare to how I feel when I am in front of people talking about the things I love!

I often reflect back on that beach speech to remind me of my life’s purpose.

I’ve devoted my life and business to help people discover their Superpower and Express themselves in a way that serves others.

Whether it’s coaching, hosting an event, writing a book, starting a podcast or creating a course.

We all have the capacity of creating something in a flow state that helps others.

In essence, align with our higher self by losing ourselves in the service of others.

I’ve never shared this story publicly but it’s a reminder to turn your pain into Art that heals others.

This will make your life a masterpiece.

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